Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I've been home for 6 days now. 6 days that have gone by in a crazy whirlwind, yet 6 days that have seemed to drag at the same time.

Arriving home from Mexico I had no idea exactly how someone could be so happy and so sad at the same time. I was SO super excited about seeing my brothers. Sometimes I feel like they're my own kids, and being away from them for 2 solid months was not easy for me! I didn't want to miss anything! Not a lost tooth, a new expression, nothing! Couldn't everything here just freeze in time until I got back? :) So I could NOT wait to see them again!!

But at the same time, leaving Mexico was SO hard! I just love it there! Why? I haven't quite figured that out yet. Living in a country where you do not speak their language and the culture is so different from what you're used to, is not easy. Not to mention I never had any interest in Mexico whatsoever, until I somehow found myself there last year (there's a little more to the story than that, but that's basicly how it happened. :P It was definately a God thing). But I've managed to loose my heart to that place, and didn't want to leave. Not to mention Terrells, the missionary family I was staying with, are amazing and I now adore their 3 girls. :) So after 2 months with them, it was hard to leave.

But home I came on December 16th, like it or not, knowing that it was God's plan that I come home over 3 months earlier than planned. I KNOW that, and I KNOW He had a reason for that... but even so, that doesn't always make things easier. It should though.

I left summer-looking scenery in Mexico, and flew into fall-foliage in Houston. By the time I landed in Cleveland, I was into snow and 20 degree temps. It was so weird! :P Finally I landed in Buffalo, where of course there was still more snow. As I headed home from the airport, I was looking upon a winter wonderland with Christmas lights everywhere, and ginormous stores, and gorgious houses... I just wanted to go back. It was too much for one day. People in the US have no idea how well-off they are. How blessed they are.

I stayed up 'till early Friday morning, unpacking. Friday I braved the snow and awful roads to head into town (and yes, even though I've been driving since I was 16, that was my first time driving on winter roads. :P Mainly, because I didn't get my license 'till this summer, so there was no reason to), to get stuff I needed for baking. I headed home and made 7-layer bars. Definately my favorite Christmas food. :) Then as soon as I was done with all that, it was time to head out to a Christmas concert that some of my friends were in. That whole day went by quite quickly, but I'm not sure I could ever claim to have really been for it. :P I felt kind of zoned out for the whole day.

Saturday morning I made chocolate covered pretzels and then collapsed for a nap. That afternoon we had Christmas at our house. A bunch of my family came over and we had a wonderful time together. <3

Sunday morning I was able to go to church. That's something I definately missed while I was gone, so it was great to be back. After that, I headed to the mall. There's something about the Christmas bustle at the mal - while most people would rather avoid it, I love being part of it.

Monday my mom was sick, and that evening I picked up whatever it is that's been going through our family. Tuesday I was really sick, and couldn't do much all day. Today I was back to normal and babysat Jordan for a while...
But both yesterday and today I spent a lot of time online looking for a nannying job. After Christmas, I plan on going out and applying at some daycare centers as well. It's frusterating though, because there's not much around the area that I live in. People around here can't afford babysitters or nannys. So most of the jobs I've been applying to are like 40 mintues away. But So far, I've heard nothing back. I'm just trying to trust God on this though. In His perfect timing, I'll get a job. Maybe that's the part that scare me, though. :P I've applied for several jobs over the past couple of years though, and nothing's come of it. I'm getting the feeling that He doesn't want me to have a job at the moment for a reason.

So, these 6 days have flown by. Literally.

Yet through it all, it feels weird to be back. I really wasn't gone that long. But I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I love my home, and I love my family. There is really no place like home. But I'm just having a hard time getting back to normal. Some parts are easy to get back into - I am thrilled to have my piano back, and to listen to Sabres games on the radio, and drive my own car. But I am honestly having a hard time getting into the jist (sp?) of things. I'm totally lost in my own kitchen, and am re-learning how everything works around here with the boys' schedules, etc. Now granted, I've been only been here about the same amount of time I've been gone (we've only lived here since June 29th), and I've only been home 6 crazy days... But still. I feel lost.

While I was gone, the boys grew a ton. I'm still not used to them looking so big! :P And they're talking so much more, and more maturely. School has done wonders on them! But things are still high-stress with them all the time. But they're still my little guys, and I adore them anyways. :)

So... that's what's been going on since I've gotten home. I'm just a confuzzled mess. :P But these are the moments that God always draws me closer to Him. Because at these kind of moments, I wouldn't make it without Him. <3